Sister Mary Joseph's Missive to Me

I have a good friend who is a nun in Wisconsin. She is a bundle of energy, always two inches off the ground and with the happiest smile I've ever seen -- she takes it with her everywhere.
She sent me this little piece she must've picked up from someone on the internet and I laughed 'til I cried -- it's funny, but so much MORE funny to imagine her saying it aloud.
I thought you'd enjoy it, too. Here goes --
"Well, now I don't know what to think any more. I called the crisis line to tell them I felt suicidal. I reached someone in Pakistan. It didn't go well. They got all excited and wanted to know if I could drive a truck...."